I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
