I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
