i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
