and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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