Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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