Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
