Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
