The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
