i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She's the barista slut.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
