3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
