I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
