Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
