So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
