Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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