So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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