I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
