I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
