I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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