We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
