i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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