Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
