I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
