she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
