fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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