update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
