I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
