I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
