In America we eat man semen.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
