he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
me + whiskey = a bad person
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
