Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
