Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He? As in you personified your dick?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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