Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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