3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
