to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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