did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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