I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
