I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
