Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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