Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
