So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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