I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
