Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
