Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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