i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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