i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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