Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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