just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
