I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
