my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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