i jhust puked up my retainher.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
