She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
