I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize