he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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