I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
