On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Randomize