Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
