dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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