dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
