you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
