Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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