no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
