I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i barfeds in our rink
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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