The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
