I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
