it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
