I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dicks are not precious.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
