my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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