I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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