are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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