Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize