Old men and throwing up are my life now.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
