Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
