did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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