Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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