some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
