You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
