I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
